Yesterday marked an interesting moment in my journey towards learning how to really love every single ounce of myself. I took my hair out of the protective style I was wearing and had to face the fact that I still don't feel good about my hair. You guys have no idea the awful relationship I've had with my hair since early childhood. My stepmom was born in Italy, and had absolutely no idea what to do with it so in the summer of 92' or 93' I got my first unauthorized jerry curl. After my mother stopped breathing fire over it (it took her a couple of decades to stop being livid about this) eventually she had to take me to get a lot of it cut. So my chemical journey had begun, and my obsession with long hair seemed to increase with every inch I lost. Fast forward to my 41 year old self today, after I'd made the decision to go natural a few years back I am completely chemical free and dying to go back to a relaxer. I struggle with not having the hair styles and lengths that I desire. I struggle with others opinions about my programmed way of looking at what beauty is. I love long hair but I also understand deeply about accepting and loving myself as is. My hair cannot be changed right now. It is what it is. But the fact that it can be altered begs the question...am I NOT loving myself if I alter my hair to a style that makes me feel happy? Is self-love really staring in the mirror at a hair style that makes me feel unattractive and forcing myself to love it? This is a prime example of how our belief systems are really either working for us or against us. In this particular case, my belief is that I look ridiculous with this hair style. We CAN change our beliefs. Perhaps my current issue is that I choose not to. Because I know what it feels like to look at myself in the mirror and think that I'm so incredibly beautiful. And right now I don't feel my most beautiful. And it's okay. It's okay that I don't like THIS particular hair style because there were so many other days that I looked at my natural hair and thought...hey sexy! Thank GOODNESS we're allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.
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