I was listening to a podcast this morning and they mentioned self-love being a trend. It got me to thinking about how to get people focused on the juicy parts of self-love like self-awareness and introspection with compassion as opposed to just mindlessly following the next trend. There's nothing more powerful than owning your own shit, with love. Most people don't really know what that looks like because we've been programmed to point outside of ourselves and blame others for our negative experiences. 20 years ago, I had a really hard time letting go of that conditioned way of thinking. If someone made me mad it was as clear as night and day that it was that person's fault for disturbing my peace. Fast forward to my journey towards self-awareness and I realized that how I react to the world is always only my choice. Period. If I place blame on someone who has said or done something hurtful towards me, then I have given power to that person to control or manipulate how I feel from moment to moment. I realized that the reason why I felt so reactive to others is because I was conditioned to do so.
I have gotten to a point in my life where I've realized there is so much unlearning to be done in order to feel more in control of my life experiences. This has been life changing. Most people won't take the time to focus on sharpening their skills on introspection - the ability to reflect on one's self and one's role in their own suffering unless they are going through an incredibly challenging time. But we shouldn't wait until things get really hard to be willing to take a look at the part we play in our own suffering.
We have to challenge everything we think we know about everything we've been taught. We were conditioned not to question things, which leaves us with a lack of knowledge...particularly of ourselves. What worked for our parents or others before us may not necessarily work for us. Other people's beliefs, no matter who they are, should never define who WE are. We came here to evolve and grow, not stay stuck and regurgitate all that ever was. Asking questions is what gets us from the old to the new.
The ultimate form of self-love is getting to know who you authentically are and then allowing yourself to BE that. We are so far removed from our own understanding of ourselves that we're lost living a life we don't want or lost living up to someone else's expectations of us. And who we REALLY are is buried deep underneath our perceptions of how others see us.
I am peeling back the layers of other's perceptions of me, and I'm sharing my experiences with hopes that I can be a guiding light for others to do the same. But it is sooooo important to do this work with patience and compassion towards yourself. We have this inner critic that is relentless and always waiting to put us in our places....which truly is just the ego trying to keep us safe. When our ego goes unchecked, it keeps us stuck identifying with someone else's version of who we are and keeps us feeling worse about ourselves. This is why I think having a life coach is so important, and a good one will train you how to become your own life coach. After getting my coaching certification I focused on coaching myself because I'm committed to my joy and my physical and mental health. I'm also committed to being authentic in this journey of helping others do the same. If I'm not doing the work, I can't effectively guide others in their own journeys.
Always take time to reflect on ways you can get to know yourself and understand the importance of what loving yourself really looks like. And then go spread that love, because the world needs authentic you!
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